


Wild Thing, You Make My Heart Sing

by unburnttkhaleesi



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Alternate Universe, Bandmate au, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, and cheesiness rolled into one, and shelby with a heavy red lip, combat boots and fishnet stockings, heavy eyemakeup, i also tried to incorporate some lines from the wilds that i haven't seen yet in au fics, just picture the gang as pure rock stars, playing cyberpunk might have actually inspired this au and i am not ashamed to admit that, soo lemme know how i did, toni starts off as a bit of a fuck boi but she has her reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:20:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unburnttkhaleesi/pseuds/unburnttkhaleesi
Summary: The Band, The Wildlings once made headlines not that long ago. Fans adored the alterative rock group and it's founding member, Toni Shalifoe. That is until the lead singer leaves and Toni has a meltdown that is caught on camera. As the band faces their downfall, Shelby Goodkind is introduced to the group. A once Disney Channel star, turned country singer who is looking for a new start in the music world.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 17
Kudos: 303





	Wild Thing, You Make My Heart Sing

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh the Bandmate AU that no one asked for is here??
> 
> Honestly the all the feedback I got on my last fic pushed me to continue this one. You are all amazing souls and I adore all of you!
> 
> Also I just- ugh picturing these actresses in grudge, alt rock outfits is just good for the brain. The songs used in this fic are written by their original artists, but I have zero song writing skills sooo Toni wrote them- all besides the covers and the one that Shelby 'wrote' but again, not by Shelby.
> 
> They are, in this order.
> 
> Zombie: The Cranberries  
> Heart Shaped Box: Nirvana (Dead Sara cover)  
> Experiment On Me: Halsey  
> Unamerican: Dead Sara  
> Love Of My Life: Queen  
> New Years Day: Taylor Swift
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the fic!

Toni is annoyed.

Hell, she is pissed off (even if her hangover is her fault,) she’s still mad about having to leave her bed and the one-night stand that occupied it. She had a thought about waking the other woman up, going for a round two until she realized the time and the ridiculous number of texts from her agent. They were supposed to be meeting the new singer for their band and Toni, lead guitarist was late and managed to piss off her bandmates if she was going by the angry voicemails.

So, she rolls out of bed, pulls on a pair of black jeans and a ribbed tank top from last night- mostly because she is at this girls apartment and mostly because she doesn’t really give a shit. As she pulls on her worn boots and grabs her leather jacket, she wonders if she should leave the other girl a note- but decides against it once she gets another text from Fatin, threatening to cut her as per usual. So, she just chuckles as she pulls her aviators on and shuts the door of the apartment behind her.

She gets to the studio, twenty minutes later and casually strolls in while trying to ignore the look of death in Fatin’s eyes and the eyeroll from Dot. “It’s about fucking time.” Fatin spits while Toni deposits herself into the couch. “We’ve been waiting for you for an hour, Toni! A fuckin’ hour.”

“I don’t understand what the big deal is, I’m here.” Toni shrugs off, earning a glare from Dot. “What?”

Dot shakes her head. “We’re meeting the new lead singer today, remember?” Dot mutters. “You were the one that was insisted on meeting whoever Leah found- hell, you gave her the job.”

“And again, the big deal is?” Toni asks, shaking her head.

“The big deal is that Leah may be our manger, but The Wildlings is your band.” Fatin buts in. “That and at this point you don’t have a choice since you sent Regan running for the hills.” Then Fatin gets this smile- a smile that screams she knows something. “We already met the new girl and lemme tell you that you are gonna be-”

Fatin doesn’t even get to finish because Toni’s eyes are ripped from her base guitarist and towards the opening door where Leah emerges with a blonde woman. A pure looking blonde woman with legs that seemed to go on for miles in those- nope, no. She shakes her head because the minute her brain shuts off her horny and hungover side, she registers who this blonde actually is. “Isn’t she from that- Christian country band?”

Dot lets out a low laugh. “Yup.” She chuckles, clearly amused. “Great, isn’t it- been waiting for this shit show to begin.”

“No,” Toni shakes her head and stands up before the blonde can get to her. “Yeah, no- Leah, seriously? Her?” She gestures to the blonde beside her. “We don’t do,” She waves her hand up and down. “Well that doesn’t fit our- what’s it called, Fatin- aesthetic. Yeah, no.”

Leah blinks, looks to Fatin and Dot for help who just shrug behind Toni. “Tone, you gave me control and since your band’s image seems to be going down hill since your freak out in Singapore-”

“Okay, it wasn’t a freak out,” Toni defends. “It was a minor misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?” Leah shrilly says. “Toni you threw a fucking speaker into the crowd after the temp brought you the wrong water, you are lucky we weren’t sued.” Leah is now in her face, challenging her. “Do you want to get your image back together or not?” There is a triumphant smile once Toni steps back. “Good, now this is-”

“Shelby Goodkind.” Toni interrupts as she turns back around and plops down into the couch again. “Yeah, I know who you are- you are the god fearing, jesus loving, bible thumbing, cowboy boots wearing-” And she stops when Shelby doesn’t react to her, she honestly stops because she has no idea how to keep going with this woman just smiling at her. “I’ve seen interviews with you, I know what you are about.” She keeps pushing because she wants her to leave before she could even sing. “Didn’t you get called out for some homophobic shit in the past?”

“Didn’t you piss in your hand and throw it at a paparazzi?” It’s the first time Shelby ever spoke and her accent, Toni finds isn’t as exaggerated as it can be in interviews. Toni gapes, Fatin and Dot snicker and Shelby continues on. “We all have pasts and that’s where we need to leave it, in the past. Am I right?”

Toni rolls her eyes. “We don’t do any of that- God, Jesus, family and country, I hope you are aware of that.”

“Oh I’m aware.” Shelby confidently says. “I just hope you can keep up with me.”

Toni tries not to stare at her ass in those levis as she climbs up onto the sound stage and grabs the mic. “Do ya’ll know The Cranberries?”

Fatin and Dot stand up as well, Dot making her way towards the drums as Fatin picks up the base. “Uh, yeah of course we do.” Fatin doesn’t hide the fact that she sounds impressed. “Just shocked you do.”

“Hm, well I am full of surprises.” Shelby muses and looks over at Toni. “You joinin’ us?”

Toni gives Leah a glare and grumbles to herself as she picks up her guitar and looks over at the blonde woman. Her cowboy boots, her blue jeans and her frilly white top- yeah it wouldn’t work. “What are we playing?” Toni asks as she tunes her baby.

“Zombie.” Shelby brightly says and then must have caught the fact that Toni’s jaw hit the floor. “I’ve been professionally trained since I came out of my mama’s womb, I have range.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that. On your count.” Toni begins and had no idea that she’d be blown out of the park by this girl because chills run up her arm when she opens up her mouth.

_‘Another head hands lowly, child is slowly taken, and the violence causes silence, who are we mistaking…’_

Toni looks over her shoulder to gauge the reactions from her bandmates and like her, they were impressed and unlike Toni they weren’t hiding it. She was actually more than impressed, shell shocked would the correct term because here she had thought She had Shelby Goodkind figured out but here she was singing a protest song and amazing well. Maybe she’d get mixed up in the chorus, maybe she’d fuck up and Toni wouldn’t have to deal with this powerhouse of a singer, but she doesn’t which makes Toni hate it and love it even more.

And Toni gets lost song and lets go for a moment, letting herself enjoy the music as Shelby wraps up the lyrics.

_‘What’s in your head, in your head? Zombie, zombie-ie-ie-ie, oh’_

Shelby steps back from the mic as they finish up the song and Toni can’t take her eyes off of her- even during the solo and as the song comes to an end. Dot is the first one up- almost talking the blonde. “Oh my god!” She squeezes her into a hug as Fatin comes bouncing over. “Oh-my-god, that was- holy-!”

“Cool it Dot,” Toni warns as she puts her guitar down and jumps off the stage, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and flicks her lighter out of her pocket. Yeah, it was an awesome performance, Toni hadn’t felt that kind of energy on stage in a long time.

“Cool it? Cool it?” Dot stumbles and grabs Shelby’s cheeks. “Toni, look at her- look at that face.”

“Yeah, please don’t-” Shelby tries, still smiling though.

“I mean, you did Dolores O’Riodran proud with that one!” Dot rambles on. “I mean, shit- here I was expecting- ‘My God is an Awesome God’ or some shit like that.”

“Or Jesus Take the Wheel.” Fatin adds with a laugh, coming to the other side of Shelby and wrapping her arm around her shoulders. “So c’mon, Toni- can we keep her?”

Toni pretends to mull over it for a moment and takes a long drag of her cigarette. Yeah, she wants Shelby to join, but she doesn’t want to seem that desperate- even though they are. She glances over at Leah. “I don’t have a choice in this, do I?” And sighs when Leah lowly tells her no. “I mean, yeah- I guess. We’ll just have to do something about that-” She gestures at Shelby again and scoffs at the confused looks she gets back. “I mean your look, we have to do something about that- you’re America’s Sweetheart days are done.” She flicks some of the ashes off into ash tray and slides her aviators onto the top of her head. “I’m sure you can do something about that, Fatin?”

“Yeah, I got you cover, babe.” Fatin winks and then looks Shelby up and down. “She’ll be up to Wildling standards before you know it.”

“Great so,” Leah interrupts. “I’ll update the official twitter, Instagram and website, let some news outlets know.” Leah climbs up on stage and sticks her hand out. “Welcome to The Wildlings, Shelby Goodkind.”

A few weeks pass with the news of The Wildlings new singer and Toni is shocked at the happiness that they were receiving from the fans. She sits on her phone, looking at all the tweets and Instagram posts in awe. Leah had recorded their cover of ‘Zombie’ and the comments on the video were nothing but elation for the group’s newest voice. Some of the comments made Toni roll her eyes though, the ones were people pointed out the so-called obvious chemistry between herself and Shelby. She gets more annoyed when others point out that the ‘vibe’ between them was strong than the one she had with Regan- which makes her toss her phone into the couch of Fatin’s house.

“What the fuck is taking so long!” She finally yells, Dot all the while chuckling. “Are you fuckin’ making the clothes?”

“Christ, woman!” Fatin yells from somewhere inside the house. “Have some damn patience!” And Toni gives a snort of a chuckle as she hears Fatin go on. “Can’t fucking stand when she’s on her Aries bullshit.”

After a few more minutes Fatin comes bouncing out with Shelby in tow and Toni feels the air escape from her lungs. She feels her jaw drop open and is, for the first time in her life, speechless. Only because here was Shelby Goodkind- all turtlenecks and button ups and pinks and yellows and pastels in this black lace dress number that dipped so dangerously low at her chest and a zipper that could actually make it open even more. It had been slightly covered by a deep purple velvet jacket. Toni’s eyes rake over her, to her black, sheer stockings and black ankle booties boots before she looks back up at her face. A deep red lip, smoky eyes and her hair- no longer poker straight but in soft waves. Fatin must have gaged her reaction as bad because she starts to explain herself “Okay so listen, T- I know that you were all about getting rid of Shelby’s- lace and frills appearance, but lace and frills work. Well, they work for her, not everyone, looking at you Leah.”

She feels their eyes on her and Toni just can’t- she is currently again blown away Shelby. “Well, I’ll be damned.” Dot stands up, clapping her hand onto her shoulder. “I will be the one to call it- Toni Shalifoe is speechless. There is a first for everything.” She smirks, gives her a little shake and nods towards Shelby. “Great job, guys- Shelby especially, you broke her.”

Shelby smiles, a bit shyly and then looks over at Fatin. “Do I have to wear this- like all this make up all the time.” She laughs nervously. “It’s kinda giving me flashbacks.”

“Oh god no, babe, listen. You just gotta show that off in interviews and concerts and award shows, I mean we are all for a pair of comfy sweatpants and tee-shirts in this group.” She again puts her arm around her should and glances over at Toni. “Though from her reaction, I would ware that as much as possible. Toni, darling, what do you think?”

Toni opens her mouth, shuts it, opens it again before her voice squeaks out. “She looks good.” Her cheeks burning at the way her voice cracks and she clears her throat. “I mean- uh, it- I- I like it.”

“Ohhh, we got a ‘like’, not a grunt or a wave of the hand, but an actual like. Dot, Leah are you hearing this?” Fatin teases and Toni flashes her the middle finger. “And she’s back, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Alright, we’ll take that as our queue to go get lunch. Toni, you’re gonna show her the set list and the songs?” Leah asks and Toni nods before tossing herself back down on the couch. “Great, we’ll be back.”

Toni watches the three women leave before her eyes settle on Shelby. “You wanna sit down? Maybe learn something?”

“Well, I already know most of your songs.” Shelby rounds the coffee table and sits next to her- it’s too close, Toni thinks, so close in fact she can smell Shelby’s perfume. “Actually, I know all of your songs.” She gushes. “You wrote them, right?”

Toni eyes her up and down again and then nods. “Yeah- well a few, Dot and Fatin write some too.” Her brows crinkle. “I’m just a bit shocked that you know our music. Are you like- allowed to listen to that? Or are you a closeted fan?”

Shelby blushes at Toni’s question. “I’m 25, not 12. I listen who I want to listen to- but yes, while I was under my dad’s management, I was a secret fan.”

“Huh, the Jesus lover is a fan of rock and alternative. Color me impressed. Are you okay with your dad now? I mean I heard the split was messy.” Toni asks and quickly wants to take it back when she watches Shelby’s face fall. “We don’t- we don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want too.”

Shelby gives off a shuddered breath and tucks some hair behind her ear before she flashes Toni that award winning smile. “I’m more interested in hearing the tales behind these songs.”

Toni considers her for a moment, she considers Shelby and her obvious walls. She ultimately decides not to push it even further- even though she highly doubts that Shelby would blow up like Toni would. So, she opens up her binder and puts it between them on the coffee table. “So here is the set list that Leah put together for our ‘comeback’ gig here in L.A.” She pauses. “It’ll be our first time since- well since my meltdown in Singapore.” Toni admits. “We’re doing two covers. One of Zombie- Leah was quick to get permission to use that one since, well since you apparently rocked it.” She doesn’t look over at the woman next to her, but she almost feels her smile. “And Heart Shaped Box.” She looks over at Shelby. “You do know Nirvana, right?”

“Of course, I know Nirvana.” Shelby’s tone is a bit clipped which makes Toni smirk a bit. “And yes, before you ask it’s in my range.”

“Good.” Toni continues. “The rest is of course original songs- we’ll have a few rehearsals before we actually preform, just so you can get the songs down and Fatin said something about the rest of your wardrobe- not that I care about that one.”

Shelby scoffs. “You did a few days ago.”

“Yeah, well- it’s been fixed so,” She shifts. “My main focus is your voice and making sure you don’t screw up out there- or pull this god shit and screw us over.”

“You really think I’d do that to you?” Shelby questions, plump pink lips thinning as she rubs them together. “You think I’m some sorta villain, don’t you?”

Toni shrugs as she closes the binder and sits back. “Well lets think about it, you break away from your god group, join my band out of nowhere.” She takes a breath. “You also have openly support shit that this band denounces, conversion camps, republicans- I’ve seen your twitter and the hate you spewed- saying that being queer was against your views and wrong and fixable. I mean, fuck, you can’t blame me for being suspicious and seeing the truth.”

Shelby looks her up and down, tongue darting out to wet her lips. “I though we’ve been through this already, Toni.” Her voice is dangerously low. “Yes, I did think like that- I didn’t have a choice.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Toni almost spits. “Everyone has a choice.”

“Not under my dad’s eye, I never had a choice. Everything I said and did then came from my dad and what he taught me.” She explains. “I really don’t need to explain myself to you, all you need to know is that Shelby is dead and gone. I can’t take back what I said or did, but I can make up for it, right?”

Toni considers her for a moment, as she reaches for her pack of cigarettes. “So, what are your views no- on the LGBTQ community? Do you still hate it, hate them or are you giving them one-hundred percent of your support?” She watches and smirks as she observes Shelby and the way she shifts, a look on uncertainty on her face. “Yeah, thought so. Can’t teach a brainwashed dog new tricks.” She pulls her lighter from her jackets pocket and chuckles. “Here is the thing, Shelby, you may have everyone else fooled, but I see you.” And Toni wants to think that the way Shelby’s eyes flick down to her lips just for a moment was a figment of her imagination. “You are in a band with a lesbian, a sex positive woman and a bisexual. If you do anything, anything at all to fuck that up? You’re done, you get me. Unless-” She catches it again, Shelby’s eyes on her lips. “Unless there is something you care to admit.”

Shelby stands up quickly, eyes filled with venom. “Fuck off.”

And Toni watches her storm off with a smirk on her face, but a nagging pulling in her chest. Why the fuck would she care about hurting Shelby’s feelings.

She finds herself at a bar a few nights after her spat with Shelby that turned into a whole argument with Dot and Fatin. Shelby hadn’t said anything about their little tiff, Dot figured it out as did Fatin who rung Toni out about her behavior which turned into a screaming match between the three women and Leah who had set off to find Shelby.

Toni, in true Toni fashion kicked a hole in the wall, screamed that she’d pay to get it fixed before she stormed off.

Since that day, she couldn’t get the blonde woman out of her head. She couldn’t get the image of her in that damn outfit out of her mind- or those painted red lips, or her eyes those green hues that were brought out by her smokey eye makeup. She takes another shot, throwing her head back at the burn and trying to forget about Shelby for the night. It’s why she finds a new girl to share the night with, however she doesn’t process that it’s a blonde woman until she has her pressed up against the bathroom stall, two fingers curled inside of her. Suddenly this woman’s face morphs into Shelby and all she can think about is her with her blonde head thrown back against the rickety door.

Toni has never had this problem before, she never had a woman just invade her thoughts the way Shelby Goodkind did. So, she stumbles away from the random woman who looks at her in disappointment. “What the fuck is your problem?” The woman asks, sounding like a pure valley girl.

“I uh,” Toni puts her hand on the wall, tries to steady herself. “Fuck, I just had too much-” and she doubles over, emptying her stomach into the toilet as the woman’s nose scrunches up in disgust.

“Do you like, need me to call someone or?” She asks, trying to sound caring as she pulled her panties up. “Get you an uber?”

Toni doesn’t know when she blacks out, but it had to be sometime after she puked her guts out. Because she remembers the woman pulling Toni’s phone out of her pocket using her thumb to get in and starts dialing, muttering in annoyance a few times before she finally gets a hold of someone. “Hi, yes- so like, I have your friend here and she’s like totally trashed and you know, I don’t know what you want me to do with her- okay? Oh amazing, you’ll come get here! Perfect I’ll send you her location, bye!”

The woman slips Toni’s phone back in her pocket and gives a sigh. “Your friend, Shelly? Yeah, she’s on her way. So, like sit tight.” She runs a hand through her hair. “You know, I thought to myself, tonight I am going to be properly fucked by the head of The Wildlings. Sucks you can’t get your shit together.”

So maybe her conquest for tonight was a bit of a bitch, but at least she stays with her till Shelby gets there. The random woman seems to have a bit of a fangirl moment when Shelby walks into the bathroom, but somehow, she ignores it because concern is written all over her face as she leans closer to Toni.

“Jesus, Toni,” She’s in a pair of black leggings and a white tank top a dark green canvas jacket overtop of it. Her face is makeup free and it must be Toni’s drunk mind that thinks that she is super pretty like this. “How much has she had to drink?” She directs her question over towards the blonde woman who shrugs. “So, fucking helpful.” Shelby mutters before she tries to help Toni to her feet, but Toni flat out refuses.

“I don’t need your help.” Toni slurs her words, but her point was put out there. “M’fine on my own.”

Shelby scoffs. “You can’t even stand up on your own.”

“Yes, I can.” Toni is aware that she sounds like a spoiled child and she tries to prove herself and stands up but ends up stumbling into the wall and is about to fall again when Shelby catches her. “Get your fucking hands off of me!”

At this, Shelby spins them, making Toni’s stomach churn and she is about to get rid of whatever was left in her gut when she meets Shelby’s eyes and they were full of fire. “Jesus fucking Christ, Toni! Swallow your fucking pride for one god damn night and let me help you! Stop being such a little bitch.” She grows and Toni straightens because the look in her eyes, the low tone in her voice, well that just does something to Toni and maybe it’s because she’s still a little horny and this angry side of Shelby was a turn on, but she swallows hard and ultimately gives in. “That’s a girl, lets get you outta here.”

She leans on Shelby as they leave the club and Toni lets out a low laugh. “You know, if you were gay, I’d totally let you top me.” She chuckles and then smirks. “Fuck, are you blushing?”

“Oh my god, you are even more of a pain in the ass when you’re drunk.” Shelby mumbles as she helps Toni into her car. “If you gotta puke, do it out the window.”

“Yes ma’am.” And Toni thinks she does a pretty good wink, but it must have been a shitty one because she doesn’t miss the way Shelby smiles at her with an eyeroll.

She drives her to a house, Toni figures it’s her house and tosses her a pair of sweat pants and a old band t-shirt to change into which Toni does- with Shelby’s help because she really cannot figure this out on her own. She doesn’t know when the sad drunk part of her surfaces because it does as Shelby is helping her into bed. “I dunno why you are being so nice to me.” She stammers. “I am horrible towards you, and you come in to rescue me- when no one else picked up the goddamn phone.”

Shelby hushes her as she pulls the covers over top of her and Toni’s crying, why is she crying? “I get it, I get why people don’t come. It’s cause I’m a shitshow, it’s cause I don’t matter.” Toni continues on. “A train wreak that doesn’t fuckin’ matter.” Shelby’s face is a little blurry. Maybe from the tears, maybe from the booze but she hushes her again as someone would to a child, smooths her hair down.

Shelby moves to sit beside her on the bed. “Toni,” she speaks in a hushed tone. “Toni, you matter. You matter to me.”

It’s the last thing she hears before she falls asleep. _‘You matter to me.’_

She wakes up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed in a random room. The bed is soft and warm though, might be one of the best she slept in. But the sunlight blinds her, makes her head throb and she figures that this hangover may be the worst one yet. She groans, shifting under the fluffy white down comforter and throws her arm over her eyes. “Fuck me,” She mumbles. She had no idea where she was, how she got there and is about to book it when she hears a voice.

“And she finally rises.”

Toni moves her arm away from her eyes because she knows that voice. Lord does she know that voice, that gentle southern twang, a tad of softness in it’s tone. She moves her arm away and sees her, Shelby is standing at the door frame with a pair of pajamas on. “Oh god, please don’t tell me that we-”

“Wow, are you that disgusted with me?” Shelby scoffs. “I mean if the thought of us spending the night together grosses you out so much then-”

“Just don’t feel like being your experiment, thanks.” Toni croaks. “You’re the one that obviously has the issue with the whole gay thing.”

“Here we go.” Shelby sighs. “I don’t know how you have the energy in you to fight me right now, because after making sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit, last night, I’m beat. So, you’re gonna take this Tylenol-”

Toni shakes her head. “Yeah, no. I don’t do hangovers like that.” She rubs her temples. “Just make me a bloody mary or get me some fast food.”

“Well,” Shelby steps closer to the bed. “That isn’t an option because we have our first gig tonight and expelling all over stage isn’t in the cards. So, you’re taking the Tylenol.”

“Not taking shit from you.” Toni spats and somehow that makes it a challenge.

“My god you are so stubborn, take it now.” Shelby slowly says.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Here, lemme say it a bit slowler. No.”

“Oh my god, s’like dealing with a damn toddler.”

The next thing she knows, Toni is flat on her back.

She’s flat on her back and Shelby is on top of her and telling her to take the god damn Tylenol in such a dangerously low voice, that it makes Toni’s mouth open in shock- which Shelby uses to her advantage and pushes the pill into her mouth. “Now swallow it.” She commands and Toni shakes her head. “Christ, swallow the fucking pill.”

And Toni does, mainly because she doesn’t have much choice and mainly because she is so dangerously close to her ear when she says that and at this point, she’d do anything she would say.

“Holy shit.”

They both turn their heads to see Fatin and Dot now standing at the doorway, slack jawed before they start erupting into laughter.

“Shelby, I had no idea that you were a dom. That was fucking hot.” Fatin says, clearly impressed.

Shelby is still on top of her, hips bearing down into her own and Shelby doesn’t scramble away- just sits back and shakes her head. “I called you last night.”

“Yeah, and we got your message this morning.” Dot copies the mother like tone that Shelby put on. “And now, we’re just gonna-” She thumbs toward the living room. “We’ll just be in there.”

“This isn’t want it looks like!” Toni calls after them and sighs as they walk off full of laughter. “What the fuck was that?” She tries to sound angry, directing towards Shelby who smirks.

“I believe last night you told me that I could ‘top’ you anytime. So, I just took the offer while it was fresh.” She climbs off Toni and straightens her pajamas. “Shower is open- lord knows you need it.” And saunters away leaving Toni awe struck and burning for the blonde singer.

It’s an outdoor concert on the beach and while Toni isn’t a fan of the outdoor venues, she is excited. She is excited to get back on stage and do what she loves. Though as she sits in front of her mirror, her gaze shifts over to Shelby who was a couple chairs down from her. The makeup artist chats her up as does her make up and once again, Toni is distracted. She is distracted by the black bustiere crop top- that showed the belly button ring that Toni wasn’t aware of until now and deep crimson flowy skirt- and her bare legs- her eyes snap up to Thom, the guy that was attempting to make her look human. “Looking at the new girl.” He teases as sits down in front of her. “Didn’t think she was your type.”

“She’s not.” Toni deadpans, trying to avoid looking at her and fails when she notices Shelby standing up and grabbing a lacy shawl. “Who is she trying to copy with that, Stevie Nicks?”

Thom clucks his tongue. “C’mon, Toni, we don’t trash talk Stevie Nicks in this dressing room.” He follows Toni’s gaze, watching her go over to Fatin. “Oh yeah, you are smitten.” He snorts. “And you’re pretty obvious about it- you keep staring at her.”

“I do not st- okay, maybe I do look at her, but I’m not- I’m not attracted to her. I mean look at her.” Toni nods over. “Not only is she straight, but she’s also like- super shitty.”

Thom hums. “How do you know she’s straight?”

“Because she is, I mean she was with the same guy for twelve years. They took that celibacy pledge, wore the rings on the Disney Channel.” Toni lists on, getting annoyed at the look of amusement on his face. “What, spit it out.”

“You ever think that she took that pledge for a reason? I mean, c’mon the type of people like her- she’s gotta be repressed.” Thom shrugs. “Hell, maybe you could be the one to show her what she’s been missing.” He chuckles. “I did hear that she already topped you.”

“She shoved a pill down my throat.”

“And you liked it.” He laughs. “Look at you, you’re blushing.”

Toni stands up quickly. “Alright, I had enough.” And clenches her fist at Thom’s smirk. “I am not attracted to her.”

“Hey,” Toni turns at the hand on her shoulder to find that it belonged to Shelby. “We’re on in five, you coming?”

Toni looks between Shelby and Thom. “Yeah, I’ll be right there.”

And she is so close to punching Thom when he makes a whipping motion as they walk away. Instead, she flips him off as she trails behind Shelby.

As they ready themselves on stage, Toni catches Shelby attempting to shake out her nerves as she tunes her guitar. She looks back at Dot and Fatin, however they both seemed to be preoccupied with their own instruments. Toni decides, as the leader of the band that maybe she should do it- also it didn’t help that Leah was literally telling her with her gestures to talk to her.

“Hey,” She has her guitar slung to her side as she approaches her. “Look, I see you’re nervous and trust me, I get it. I get the shakes before I preform.”

Shelby looks over at her for a moment and then back at the black wall in front of her, waiting for them to be lifted up onto stage. “You look pretty well put together to me.” Shelby comments a bit harshly and then sighs. “I’m sorry, I just-” She gulps. “What if they don’t like me, what if- what if they see me the way you see me. Just some church freak.”

Toni shrugs. “They won’t, I mean shit- they already love you from one clip on Instagram and hey, maybe you aren’t some church girl, you did get me out of that lesbian bar last night in one piece.”

“That was a lesbian bar?” Shelby quickly says and Toni chuckles. “N-not that I have a problem with that. I mean you do you.”

“Yeah, and not to mention you fuckin’ pinned me and forced a pill down my throat so I wouldn’t be a miserable bitch today so- there’s that too. Look, Shelby, you’re gonna kill it out there, alright? This is like,” She pauses searching for the right words. “Your rebirth, your baptism by fire- embrace it.”

She steps away once Leah begins to countdown and the platform switches on. They rise up onto the stage to a mass of screaming fans and Toni steps forward and grabs her mic. “Good evening Avila Beach!” And laughs at the mass amount of screams they get back in return. “Are you ready to get wild?” And the crowd roars as Fatin toys with the opening chords of Heart Shaped Box. “I said, are you ready to get wild?” And glances over at Shelby, giving her a nod.

‘ _She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak’_ Shelby starts singing the people respond wildly, a roar of approval runs through the audience. Which causes her to gain more confidence as her voice rises _‘I’ve been locked inside your heart shaped box, for weeks.’_

Maybe those comments on the video Leah posted were right because maybe, just maybe there was chemistry between them. When Shelby lets loose and starts having fun, Toni does to and Christ is Toni just blown away with this woman’s vocal range as she usually is.

And god- she just seems so wild and free on stage. Toni had seen some of her performances before and she’s always so stiff, standing at a mic or sitting on a stool, but here she was moving around freely reaching out towards the audience as she sings and they fucking love her and she really can’t blame them. Shelby had a strong stage presence, and it was hard to keep her eyes off of her during each performance and as they booked new venues, gained a bigger following, than they had before. Toni new deep down it was because of two things- one being the curiosity of why Shelby joined their band of misfits and because of the fact that they were actually pretty amazing now.

Pictures of them swarmed all sorts of social media outlets, once picture that Toni secretly admired the most was after the concert at The Fillmore. It after their encore, Shelby had bounced over to her as they finished their last song and wrapped her arm around her shoulder and pulled her close into a one arm hug. Toni couldn’t get the smell of her leather jacket, sweat, and wildflowers out of her head for days after that.

And then there were people that ‘shipped’ them, which honestly confused the hell out of Toni when she gets the tweet as they are driving to an interview in downtown L.A. “What the fuck is a Shoni?” Toni asks, looking up from her phone and over at her bandmates. “And why is it on every picture of that one and me?” She nods towards Shelby who is sitting in front of her.

She glances up at the wry smile she earned from the blonde. As time passed, they started getting along for the better. Sure, they bickered back and forth most of the time, but it wasn’t anything bitter really- just banter and playful at that. So much so that Dot was numb to it and Fatin would poke the fire to say the least. Toni would never forget the many different shades Shelby turned when Fatin told them they should just fuck and get it over with, because ‘ _I know sexual tension when I see it.’_ It would make Shelby mutter something and leave the room. It was strange because she had such confidence most of the time, but when it came to Toni, Shelby would find a reason to leave.

“Oh yeah, that’s you ship name.” Fatin informs them casually as she files her nails. “I for one prefer Goodfoe- it has this ring-”

“Wait,” Shelby turns in her seat to face Toni and Fatin. “People think we’re together?”  
  


Fatin shrugs her shoulders. “Uh yeah, we’ve all seen the filtration on stage- in interviews. I mean there is a fuckin’ YouTube compilation of you two just gazing at each other longingly.” She says the last bit dramatically and then chuckles. “I mean in one show, Shelby, you reached for Toni’s hand and people lost their shit.”

Now Toni’s inwardly panicking and is pretty sure she’s keeping her cool while Shelby’s eyes scream ‘run’. So, she resides to a chuckle. “Seriously they think she’s my type? I mean have they seen my past girlfriends?”

“Hey, look, I am just reporting what I’ve seen.” Fatin waves off. “Don’t kill the messenger.” Fatin looks up at Shelby. “But your old fans are pretty pissed about it and it is so fucking funny to see a bunch of homophobes lose their shit. They bring up your old boyfriend from you Disney Channel days.”

“Andrew?” Shelby’s voice wavers a bit.

And Fatin nods. “Now he looks like one of the dudes from _The Handmaids Tale.”_ She shudders. “What a creeper, I don’t know how you did it, girl.”

Toni has this gift, she can read people pretty well and Shelby pales so quickly at the mention of her old life. “So, do people ship you with anyone?” She pushes this onto Fatin because as much as Toni loves her friend, she knows how much she loves talking about herself.

“Yeah! My girl Dot over there, am I right!” Fatin loudly says and Toni sends Shelby a smile as she visibly relaxes and turns away as Fatin and Dot tease each other.

They make it to the TV studio in one piece, Leah right by Shelby’s side as she walks her through Gretchen Klein and her conniving ways. “I thought that ya’ll were banned from her show.” Shelby muses as Toni catches up to them. “After Toni called her a- what was it?”

“A dried-up talentless cunt-bag.” Toni chimes in, feeling a bit proud of herself at the laugh she earns from Shelby. “And don’t worry, Leah. I’ll be good.”

“I’ve been interviewed by her before.” Shelby cuts in. “And I know that she is a shark, so I can handle anything she throws at me. It’s funny that she preaches feminism when she is pretty darn toxic.”

“That’s because she preaches white feminism.” And then sighs at the look of confusion on Shelby’s face. “That is when a woman, mainly white talks about being a feminist, but couldn’t give a fuck about women of color, indigenous women, gay women, trans women- the list goes on. They only care about themselves.”

Shelby blinks. “Well, that explains a lot.” She shakes her head. “She is a real piece of shit, ain’t she.”

And Toni can’t help the smirk that crosses her face.

The interview, however, doesn’t go along swimmingly.

As predicted, Gretchen goes for the jugular, mostly Shelby’s with one name- Becca Gilroy. Now Toni knows Shelby can take what is thrown at her, she’s seen it from laughing and pointing out how stupid it was when an interviewer would ask a woman about their skin care routines, but never a man or how she’d shove away the most ridiculous questions and want to focus more on Toni’s music.

But when Becca Gilroy is mentioned, Shelby loses her composure. Usually, Toni is the one losing her shit on live television, but today, well today it’s Shelby’s turn and all that grace and composure is thrown out the window. She doesn’t react quickly, oh no, the way she reacts? It’s slow and calculated. Toni and the rest of the women had never seen this side of her before.

She doesn’t flip the way Toni would, her jaw sets- body language changes and she chews Gretchen Klein out in a way that may actually scare the daytime talk show host. First, Shelby asks how she knows that name, and then laughs when Gretchen claims she had sources, a bitter laugh that is nothing like the sun filled one she normally had and then mutters something about her dad. Those pretty eyes narrow and she calls Gretchen an ugly piece of human garbage, she calls her some of the worst things possible before she stands up from her spot on the circular couch and tells her to go fuck herself before she storms out, leaving the rest of the band, Gretchen and her audience all silent. Toni watches her retreat and for a moment feels Leah’s hand on her arm, but she pulls it away and stands up. “I said it before, and I’ll said it again. You’re a talentless, dried-up cunt.” And goes to follow after Shelby.

And the cut the show after that.

The ride back is quiet, Toni expects that while Leah does damage control over the phone. Fatin and Dot don’t know what to do and neither does Toni. She found Shelby in the bathroom, makeup a mess from her tears and she doesn’t need to ask, but even after whatever that name triggered in her, she’s still speaks so softly to her and tells her that she just wants to be left alone.

Toni respects that and even in the SUV she gave her space while Shelby just stares out the window. Toni is a little worried about leaving her alone and doesn’t have to worry for two long, because Shelby stops her as she’s getting into her car back at the studio. “Do you have anywhere else to be?” Shelby asks her a bit shakily and Toni shakes her head no. “Then you wanna follow me back to my place? I feel like that I should explain that.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Shelby.” Toni tells her as she leans on her car.

“I know, I know I don’t but I- I wanna talk about it. Get it off my chest, but if you-”

Toni doesn’t need to hear anymore because she nods her head. “Alright, lead the way.”

When they get to her house, Toni doesn’t know what to do or how to approach this. She figured that from past experiences, it was better to let her lead the conversation. Toni watches as she goes straight to the fridge and takes out a beer, pops the cap open and hands it to Toni who takes it before she gets her own. She leads her out towards the back yard and plops down in front of her pool, toeing her shoes off before she dips her feet into the water.

“I guess I’ll have to do damage control later.” Shelby states. “I haven’t looked at social media, I’m sure it’s a shit show right now.”

Toni wants to reach out, touch her shoulder- to comfort her. Still Toni doesn’t have a read on Shelby, so she wasn’t sure what she could do. Words though, words would help. “Ah, it’s fine.” She tucks a leg underneath as she sits down beside her. “I’ve done worse.” She pauses, takes a sip of beer and looks out at the skyline. “Are you okay though?”

There is a beat of silence, the movement of the pool water filled Toni’s ears and she worries with the way Shelby is currently white knuckling the glass bottle. “I- I uh,” She swallows, takes a long swing from the bottle and then shakes her head. “I guess hearing her name just drummed up some horrible memories.” She lets out a choked laugh. “Ones that I thought I healed from- guess I was wrong.”

“Who was she?” Toni asks, not mentioning the name Becca and hoping that she wasn’t crossing any lines.

But Shelby answers quickly, doesn’t look at her but towards the skyline as she gathers her thoughts. “Becca Gilroy was my best friend growing up. She was this- this spitfire, ya know and just had this energy about her. She was so out going, always pushing me to step outside the box, after I got the show with Disney and appeared on some of those pageant reality shows, people started treating me different. Kids at school were cruel and adults,” She takes another swing. “Especially some adult men were fuckin’ creepy.” She sighs and shakes her head. “But Becca, she never treated me any different. She made me feel normal and well I loved her for that.” Shelby likes her lips and then glances over at Toni. “And I mean loved as in loved.”

Toni finds herself at a loss for words, all she could offer was a simple “Oh.” Which Shelby seems to smile about.

“I didn’t know how to handle it, the way I felt about Becca- my whole life I was taught that having feelings for the same sex was sinful, disgusting and wrong. But then I thought, if this was what love really felt like- then how is it disgusting when it is beautiful, you know. Lord knows I tried to suppress it, tried to be normal but boys didn’t do it for me.” She stops and then looks over at Toni again. “All I could think about was Becca, Becca with her pretty blue eyes and wild curls, those freckles and that smile.”

It’s then when it clicks. One that Shelby Goodkind was currently coming out and her and, on another note, Shelby was talking about this girl in the past tense which gives her a sinking feeling in her gut.

“She confided in me once that she was abused- sexually by her stepbrother and god I saw red. I told her it wasn’t her fault, that he was a bastard and deserved to pay. We trashed his car, and it was there when I realized that I’d do anything for that girl. Few nights later, I acted on my feelings and I kissed her- and it was like someone turned on the light switch because it felt right.” She finishes the rest of her beer and puts the empty bottle beside her. “But she didn’t feel the same way, I read it all wrong and then my dad walks in and I knew he saw, I knew he knew. Even if I didn’t say anything, he knew- fuck he always finds a way just to worm himself in like a fuckin’ snake.” She spits out, fists curling in anger. “Next day, he’s talking to Becca’s parents in his office which is also used for conversion therapy- and treating me like I’m invisible. Finally, he talks to me, asks me what happens after telling me that if there was a chance that I was gay, I’d lose everything that I worked for, I’d lose him and my Mama and my siblings and be alone for the rest of my life. So, I pushed it all on Becca, blamed her, said that she came on to me and I was stopping it.”

“Christ, how old where you?” Toni asks, feeling the pain that Shelby was feeling. The sorrow, the guilt, she knew it all too well.

“Sixteen,” She sniffles and wipes a stray tear from her eye. “So, my dad told me that I needed to drop Becca because Becca would ruin my image.” Her body shudders with a sob and Toni scoots closer, hesitantly but in a way to let Shelby know she was here. “So, Becca keeps trying to contact me and I finally tell her to come over and I unleash on her. I said everything that came out of my dad’s mouth, about how she was over sexual, about how she was the one who forced her stepbrother to do those things to her. I called her disgusting, vile, a pervert and you know what she said to me?” Shelby asks and Toni shakes her head. “She said, ‘I see you, Shelby and it’s okay. I see you and you don’t have to hide from me.’ She said that and I told her to leave me the fuck alone, that I wanted nothing to do with her. Week later, her mom finds her in her car- clinging onto a thread of life and she died later on the way to the hospital.”

“Oh god, Shelby.” Toni is soft with how she speaks. “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

Shelby clicks her tongue. “Of course you wouldn’t. My dad sweet-talked the Gilroy’s into not saying anything, sweetened the pot with money too and then sent me to conversion therapy after he paid for surgery to get implanted lateral incisors in my mouth. I was born without them- but that’s not the point. He told me that everything was fixable, my teeth and my brain.” She shakes her head. “I caused a girl’s death and all he worried about was making me straight- making sure that I didn’t slip up again and this whole time I’ve been carrying this guilt about Becca.”

Toni leans forward a bit, squinting her eyes at the setting sun. “Have you seen anyone about it, like a therapist or something.” And Shelby shakes her head. “So, your dad believes is conversion therapy, but not actual therapy.” It’s not a question, a statement, a statement that makes Shelby nod.

“To quote Dave Goodkind, therapy is for the weak.” She scoffs and shakes her head. “I think it’s too late for me,” She taps on her head. “Damage is already done.”

“It’s not too late, to get help- learn ways to cope. I know it sounds rich coming from me, I was good- until that shit happened with Regan and between you and me, I started seeing my therapist again. It’s a process, Shelby- but you can heal. It may take you years since that head of yours is filled with the shit your dad did, but it will happen and I’m- we are all here for you.”

She doesn’t know what makes her to reach out and flick a tear off of Shelby’s cheek, but her heart warms when she leans into her touch. Shelby mutters a thank you before she scoots closer as Toni’s hand drops and puts her head on her shoulder. Toni’s a bit stiff for a moment but then relaxes and wraps her arm around Shelby’s waist. “Is that why you left you band, because of your dad?”

Shelby is a bit calmer and she hums. “Yeah, because I’m obviously still gay- you can’t re-wire a brain like that and my dad wanted to put a conservatorship on me because of it. Toni, he controlled everything from my socials to what I said, and he wanted to make it legal and I just- I ran.” She sighed. “I know it was him that told Gretchen about Becca, he wants me to break so he can control me. I’ve always been a tool. He was so goddamn controlling and still is. There isn’t a day that goes by when he blows my phone up.”

“We can do something about that, Shelb. It’s harassment.” Toni softly tells her. “Go to the police station in the morning, get a restraining order. I mean cops are fuckin’ shit but they can at least do that for you.”

She nods against her shoulder. “Do you think you could stay with me for the night.” Shelby looks up at her with questioning eyes. “Please?”

Toni doesn’t need to be asked twice, she smiles and nods. “Yeah, sure. You wanna order a pizza? Maybe eat our feelings?”

She smiles when Shelby laughs. “That sounds amazing.”

And they spend the night like this with pizza, ice cream and a light buzz. Shelby spills more about her past and how her dad controlled everything, even what and how much she ate. Toni knows abuse when she sees it and she knows that Dave Goodkind is abusive, from what she hears and it just makes her see Shelby as an equal, as human rather than this child star she used to crush on when she had that stupid show on Disney and now that silly pre-teen crush was coming back with a vengeance, but she couldn’t do this again, open herself back up and potentially hurt this woman who is curled into her side, sleeping while the credits on the movie they had been watching rolls on screen. As much as she wants more from Shelby, as much as she craves it, she can’t do it- she’s already going through enough, and Toni can’t bring herself to pile her own bullshit on top of it. Even with how perfectly her and Shelby seem to mesh or how nice she feels in her arms.

After that day, there is a change in their dynamic and it’s obvious that Fatin, Leah and Dot all pick up on it. However, they are smart enough not to comment about the silent truce that was forged between the two women. Leah had done the damage control with what happened with Gretchen and surprisingly the fans back them up. They book more gigs, each concert packed to the brim as they gain more of a following and Shelby and Toni always seem to gravitate towards each other and Toni stops going out every night, stops picking up her normal one-night stands and doesn’t stand up her therapist. She’s healing and so is Shelby, slowly, but healing.

It’s not going to happen like some miracle, but it will progress over time and after Shelby’s dad is served, he stops his obsessive phone calls and Toni knows he mad. Every once and a while she checks his twitter and it’s nothing but passive aggressive bullshit, but she doesn’t tell Shelby.

Because she likes this version of Shelby, the real one and so does everything else- but she also notices the way Shelby looks at her, with hooded eyes and secret smiles. It’s just a crush, a stupid crush that will melt away once Shelby realizes that she could do so much better.

They are at Fatin’s place after a performance, a few close friends that the band had made over the years there. They had rocked the arena, Shelby’s voice ringing out among the fans, with one of Toni’s Songs, ‘Experiment on Me’. They managed three encores that night and they were all floating on a high. The Olympic swimmer, Rachel Reid and her twin sister, Nora who Toni was so sure would be the future president one day, joined them. The group clicked with each other at a teen choice award. They are gushing over the song that had just been sung for the first time and are singing along to the recording. “Toni, I have no idea how you come up with this, it’s amazing!” Nora gushes.

“Yeah, I’m sure there are some right ringed asshats that are pissed about it.” Dot chuckles as she goes for a slice of pizza. “Unamerican is gonna be our next hit.”

“And the fact that Shelby was cool with singing it,” Rachel shrugs. “She’s a lot less- tense than I thought.”

“Shelby actually had a hand in writing it,” Toni explains which causes some looks her way, some impressed and some confused. “She’s pretty freaking talented,” And glances around the room. “Where is she by the way?”

“Wait, she-” Fatin blinks. “She helped- with that song? I mean it was you who wrote the _‘The all American girl, lezbo, gay maniac’_ right?”

“Yeah no, that is actually what someone called her on twitter- aka her dad so she wrote it in.” Toni smirks which causes all the women to gape at her. “She was the one that insisted on the fuck Donald Trump line.”

The is a beat of silence and Fatin speaks up. “You’re saying she just subtly came out tonight- and no one has picked that up yet?”

Shelby’s sexuality was no longer a secret among the group. She had come clean about a week ago, about some of her past- most of it though still stayed between herself and Toni. Becca Gilroy was still a touchy subject and the other women didn’t push on it.

“What a fuckin’ legend.” Dot raises her beer bottle. “And she’s in the basement, now I understand why she wanted some alone time. Though if you were to go down there…” Dot insinuates, smirking as Toni scowls.

“Dot, I swear to god” Toni warns and Fatin rolls her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing, I mean I’m just saying that that girl is like- head over heels for you. She likes you Toni.” Fatin holds a finger up as Toni opens her mouth to object. “Now before you say anything, Toni she’s good for you and you’re good for her. There is no sense in drudging up Regan. I mean c’mon, Shelby’s different, she’s not scared of you, she puts you in your place and honestly you two make each other better people. Not to mention that you can now cut the sexual tension with a knife.”

Toni rolls her eyes and finds that her only retort is to flip them off while she goes down the basement. She is met with a melodic tune from Fatin’s piano. She finds Shelby sitting on the bench, messing around with a melody that she never heard before. “Hey,” She greets, careful not to startle her. “What-cha- what-cha working on?”

Shelby turns her head and gives her a soft smile. “Oh, it’s nothing.” She had scrubbed off her heavy makeup and she’s glowing even in a pair of joggers and a worn t-shirt that was a little stretched at the collar. “Just a tune that’s been in my head for a while.”

Toni has no idea why she is so careful when she’s around her, but she is steady as she approaches her, and Shelby moves a bit to allow her to sit beside her. “I didn’t know you played.”

“Yeah, my mama made me learn. You know, the talent portion in the pageants.” Shelby explains. “She wanted her daughter to be a triple threat and that what’s she got.” She looks over at her. “I guess I have to thank her for that.”

Toni breaks the eye contact because its too much, it makes her heart swell looking into those light green pools. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

Shelby rubs her lips together and considers her answer. “I have no idea how to change a tire, or anything that has to do with a car.” She rolls her eyes at Toni’s obvious ‘seriously’ face and laughs. “My daddy said that was a man’s job.”

“Hm, we both know what I think of your dad.” Toni snorts and then smirks. “How about we cut a deal, you give me a crash course in piano and I’ll teach you everything you need to know about a car?”

Shelby gets this smile and then nods her head. “Deal.”

“Just no Taylor Swift.” Toni quickly cuts in and Shelby sighs dramatically. “I’m serious.”

“I’m sorry, but weren’t you the one who was listening to ‘You Need To Calm Down’ the other day?” Shelby teases and Toni groans. “It’s okay, I won’t spill the beans.” She winks with a smirk and she moves even closer if that was even possible and intertwines their fingers together.

Everything in Toni’s body is screaming at her to run, but this feels nice and she guides her fingers along the keys, playing the tune she made up for a moment before she changes the tune to the opening of ‘Helpless’ from Hamilton which causes Toni to narrow her eyes at her. “Shelby.”

“What,” She flutters her eyelashes so innocently. “It’s a song.”

“Shelby,” Toni repeats, slowly and she smiles when Shelby snickers. “I mean can you at least admit that Lin-Manuel cannot sing.”

Shelby gives a faked-horrified gasp. “Toni,” And laughs pretty as her voice. “Don’t let the hardcore Ham fans hear you say that.”

Again, their eyes meet and Shelby changes to a different tune and Toni recognizes it quickly and again watches as their hands work intime with each other. “Is this Queen?”

Shelby nods, her face that was twisted in concentration softens when she hears Toni’s “Nice.”

And then she starts singing the ballad and Toni has never heard her sing this softly. She feels goosebumps rise up on her. _‘You’ll remember, when this is blown over, and everything’s all by the way. When I grow older, I will be there at your side, to remind you how I still love you.’_

Toni swallows hard when she looks from their hands and over at Shelby who hadn’t taken her eyes off of her. The melody slows down and then stops all together and she is hyper-aware that the blonde’s gaze is on her lips. “Shelby.” She whispers softly and before she knows it, Shelby kisses her.

It may be the softest, slowest kiss she ever had and once Toni gets over the initial shock of it- which to her credit only took a few seconds, she wraps her arms around Shelby’s waist and molds her against her. Toni’s heart does a flip when she feels Shelby smile against her lips and she allows Shelby to deepen the kiss, she allows herself to get lost in everything that is Shelby and she cautiously touches as if she was as fragile as a porcelain doll, and her skin is as soft as she thought it would be.

But when air becomes a need, they break apart, Shelby’s breath shaky as she nuzzles her nose against Toni’s before she leans her forehead against hers. Toni’s eyes flick open, to find Shelby’s still closed- but she’s smiling this peaceful smile, arms still looped around Toni’s neck. “Shelby.” Toni didn’t realize how broken her voice sounded until Shelby’s eyes flutter open. “Shelby- I-”

And Toni almost whimpers at the lose of contact when Shelby pulls away, even if it wasn’t that far away. There is concern in her eyes. “Toni, are you okay- did I? I mean I thought that- oh god, I’m so sorry. I crossed a line.”

She goes to pull back completely but Toni stops her. “No, no- god no, Shelby, I’ve been waiting for that for a long time now it’s just-” She looks away because she can’t look at her, she’s so full of hope and Toni can’t break that. “I’m not a good person and I think you know that.”

“Toni,” Shelby’s voice is full of sympathy.

She shakes her head. “Shel, I want you to know what you could be getting yourself into.” She remembers Regan’s parting words. ‘ _You’re like birch bark, one little match and you catch fire just like that and I don’t know how to handle that.’_ And then there was Marty. _‘You ruin things, you destroy things and you break things.’_ And she can’t, she won’t break Shelby. “You know my history, you know that I get angry, you know that I destroy everything in my path and- I don’t want to hurt you, Shelby.”

Toni shudders. “Shelby, I- you’re too good for me. Behind all of this is this angry foster kid from Minnesota. Who never had a home, never had parents and that had to fight for everything and is still fighting. You’re over here doing leaps and bounds and I still can’t get over my shit from the past. It makes me hurt and it makes me hurt other people.”

“Hey,” Shelby reaches over, cups her cheek in her hand and brushes a tear away with her thumb. “Toni, you won’t hurt me. I’m a lot stronger than people think and we both got our own issues, don’t we? You are developing into this amazing person and it’s your fire and passion that drew me in as soon as we first met. I think,” She licks her lips. “I think this good be something good, don’t you?”

And Toni stops to think about how light she felt around Shelby, how the blonde could just coax a smile out of her so easily or how her presence could calm her down if something went wrong during a performance and she takes a chance to meet her eyes and a pleasant calm envelopes her. Being with Shelby might be worth the risk, worth the adventure. So, she nuzzles into her palm, kisses her wrist before their lips meet again. She was right, after all- what was the use of being scared of something that could be good?

To be fair, Shelby and Toni tried their best to keep their blooming relationship under wraps and out of the public eye. However, it takes only two days for Dot, Fatin and Leah to pick up on it and apparently they had a wager going that Fatin won- the other two women grumbling in annoyance. While Fatin is giddy beyond words.

“How the fuck did you figure it out.” Dot asks as she slides her a fifty and Fatin scoffs.

“Please, Dottie, look at ‘em.” She gestures towards the two woman sitting across from them in Shelby’s kitchen. She picks up her spoon and uses it as a mic for dramatic effect. “The moment their eyes locked- green meeting brown they both knew it’d be inevitable.” Shelby rolls her eyes at their base player while Toni is more distracted at Shelby’s hand which had been squeezing her knee. “That and like I said, I have a nose for these things.”

Sunday nights were for dinner at Shelby’s villa. Shelby would slave away in the kitchen, chase Toni away with a wooden spoon when she attempted to sample the food while Fatin would make drinks and Dot on the grill while Leah supervised or brought a store brought cake.

Once the food was finished, they’d all sit down together outside on Shelby’s deck. Toni now sitting beside her, arm wrapped around her waist and Shelby’s hand on her knee while they joked and laughed. With Shelby, Toni’s world felt brighter, more alive and Shelby once confided in her that she never felt freer in her life. The dark shadow that was Dave Goodkind was not this looming presence anymore, he had actually took the restraining order seriously once Shelby called the police on him for being at the studio. Toni enjoyed the look on his face as she stood beside Shelby, arm draped over her shoulder while he was being lead away in handcuffs. Of course, the system was fucked, and he only spent one night in jail before Jo Beth Goodkind bailed him out. But it had been enough for him to leave Shelby alone once and for all.

Toni had been in the kitchen, musing her own thoughts as she scrubbed the dishes, Shelby helping a tipsy Fatin into Leah’s car. She listens for the car door shutting and the front door of the house opening as Shelby walks back into the house, her soft footfalls padding their way towards the kitchen. Toni hums when she feels Shelby come up behind her, wrap her arms around her waist and snuggle her nose in the crook of her neck and she smiles when she feels the brush of her lips against the skin there. “You know, I never thought they’d leave.” Shelby murmurs. “Fatin is a tank with vodka by the way.”

“And we both know you aren’t.” Toni teases and Shelby giggles. “I’ve been running with Fatin for ten years, she can handle her shit.”

Toni shuts off the water and then turns in Shelby’s arms, brushing her lips against hers. “You cool if I stay here?”

“Like you really have to ask that.” Shelby leans in, deepens the kiss and then says. “I was hoping to get some alone time with you, being that we are going to be stuck in a tour bus for the next few months.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” Shelby breathes and then. “I think I’m ready.”

Toni raises a brow. “Ready? Ready for- oh,” She clears her throat, Shelby had been honest with her about her sex life- or lack-there-of sex life. How Shelby told her that she just never really had the need or want to do it with another person, mainly the only other person she had been with and that had been Andrew- that was until Toni came into her life. She had told Toni that she spent so much time fighting Andrew off that she just didn’t believe it was worth it- that she wouldn’t feel the way she was supposed to feel. But then when Toni would kiss her, or touch her she felt it- the fire, the passion. Toni had grounded her, brought her back to reality and Shelby? She did the same thing for Toni.

She wants it, god she wants it, but she asks. “Are you sure?”

And when Shelby answers. “I’m sure.” That’s all she needs

The world slows down as Shelby leads her to the bedroom and guides her down onto the bed. It’s a bit of a flashback of months ago when Toni had been hungover and Shelby showed the fact that she did care and _‘You matter to me’_

Her hands shake as she unbuttons Shelby’s sundress and Shelby just smiles so brightly as she leans down to kiss her again. Toni brushes the dress off her shoulders and swallows past the lump in her throat when she isn’t greeted with a bra and Toni breaks the kiss, breathing heavily as she looks up at Shelby with the silent request to touch her. Toni had no idea how or when her blond hair had been released from it’s ponytail, but here it was long and tumbling down past her shoulders. For a moment, Toni thinks of her as an actual celestial being with the light from the lamp glowing behind her. She has no idea how she got this lucky. Toni reaches out, cradling the side of her neck and slowly running her hand lower towards her breasts she cups the left one, thumb brushing against the rosy nipple. Shelby reacts with a pleasant sigh, bottom lip trapped between her teeth and she then moves lower, hand gliding down her soft skin before reaching the flare of her hips and holding her tightly. She wants to take her time, wants to make Shelby feel special.

Then she leans up, again and catches Shelby’s lips, kissing her deeply. Her tongue swiping at the seam of her lips, begging for permission which Shelby grants with no hesitation. Toni can’t help the moan that escapes her lips when she feels Shelby’s hands graze under her shirt, doing everything in her power to get the offending fabric off. Their lips part, only for a moment as Shelby throws the back tee somewhere in the room and she’s touching her. Every part of skin that Shelby’s fingers touch is left with a path of flames, she’s a little clumsy- with getting her bra off and Toni laughs at the huff of frustration that the other woman lets past her lips. Though once it’s off, Shelby sits back and takes a long look at her and a pang of fear strikes Toni, was she having second thoughts?

But Shelby seems to read her so easily and softly smiles, hand cupping her cheek. “Toni,” She’s breathless, all the air almost sucked out of her lungs. “Toni, you’re so beautiful.”

She flushes at Shelby’s words and leans up to flip them over, lips connecting like magnets again. Shelby was now working at Toni’s jeans unbuckling the belt, undoing the zipper and pushing them down her legs while Toni wastes no time touching her again, memorizing every dip and curve of her body. She leans up a little, letting Shelby touch her as Toni’s own hand settles in the valley between of her breasts. While Shelby’s explores, Toni arches into her touch- so tentative and gentle on her chest, letting out a gasp that Shelby seemed so proud of and Toni returns to making Shelby feel good.

Her lips brush against hers again and then trail down towards the column of her neck, nipping at her pulse point and soothing it before she continued down towards her breast, sucking a nipple into her mouth and making it peak before she turned her attention towards the other one and Shelby keens beneath her. She makes marks down past her navel, and presses her lips to her hip bone, fingers playing at the top of her panties. Toni eyes lock with Shelby’s, asking permission, asking if she wanted to continue and Shelby’s breath hitches and she nods.

Toni pulls her panties down her legs and spreads her thighs, noticing how Shelby props herself up on her elbows. “If you want me to stop, just say so.” Toni tells her. “If it becomes too much-”

And Shelby shakes her head. “Toni, no- I want you. I want you so bad.”

Toni licks her lips, swallows hard and places the softest of kisses against Shelby’s inner thigh. All the while holding her gaze and when she touches her, for the first time there, she moans. Moans at the heat coming off of her, moans at how wet she is. Shelby gasps at the first touch and then falls back when Toni uses her tongue on her. Toni wanted this to go slow, so she could savor her scent and her taste, but she has Shelby spiraling the moment she sucks her clit into her mouth. The fingers that where in Toni’s hair pull as Shelby tights around her fingers cumming with Toni’s name on her lips like a prayer. She guides her through her orgasm, only stopping once she finally stopped shaking with the aftershocks.

She is pleasantly surprised when Shelby pulls her back up to kiss her, moaning at the taste of herself on Toni’s tongue. “You may have to,” Shelby breaks away from Toni’s lips, while her hand travels down. “Guide me through it.” Her cheeks are a bright shade of pink. “Tell me what you like?”

And Toni’s smile is so soft as she nods.

Shelby is a quick learner and has Toni babbling nonsense as she driver her over the edge.

They lay together afterwards, bodies still buzzing with bliss. Shelby is wrapped around Toni, leg slung over her waist as she rest her head on her chest and they talk, sharing stories about before they met.

“So, wait, hold on. You were given a chance to appear on the Honey Boo Boo show, but you turned it down?” Toni sounds so scandalized that it makes Shelby let out a bubble of laugher. “What it because of the ketchup spaghetti?” Toni shudders. “I’m not even Italian and that offended me so deeply. Like this deep pain for my ladies at the Olive Garden.”

Shelby glances up at her. “No,” Shelby giggles. “No, it was because Dave had an issue with the family and because Mama June was dating a sex offender.” She smiles. “And you should know that Italians, like pro-bono Italians call your Olive Garden the Italian variate to McDonalds.”

“Aw shit, I forgot about that. Isn’t that what got the show ripped from the air?” Shelby nods. “Did you at least get to meet her?” Toni asks and then adds. “And don’t go disrespecting the O.G, you’ll change your mind about it when we get to Minnesota, I’ll take you to the one I frequented in my youth and it’ll blow your mind.”

Shelby’s hair is a mess as she turns to face Toni completely, Toni would proudly tell her that she looked thoroughly fucked and she just seemed so relaxed. Toni had felt the same way and she decides she likes the way her stomach flutters when Shelby smirks at her. “Alright, I’ll take you up on your offer to change my mind about the Olive Garden, only-” She holds a finger up. “Only if you accompany me to The Cheesecake factory when we get to the lone star state.” She deals out. “But yes, I did meet Alana. We ran into each other during a few of the pageants. We were obviously in different age groups, I mean I crowned her once and lemme tell you- she is just as much as a spitfire as she was on TV. At first I wondered how much caffeine pills they were giving her-”

“I’m sorry, what? Caffeine pills, like from Saved By The Bell.” She rolls her eyes when Shelby nods. “Dude, what the hell?”

“I mean I don’t know if she actually took ‘em, I did- most girls in the pageant circuits did. How do you think most of us stay so damn happy all the time?” Shelby explains. “Yeah, it’s shitty and no I did not dance around and sing ‘I’m So Excited’ I just, I did what I was told. Looking back on it now though? Real shit thing for my parents to do.”

Toni pulls her in a tight embrace. “Well, you’re here now so- we don’t need to worry about them anymore.”

“Yeah, I know.” Shelby hums. “And I’m so glad that I am here, with the band- with you especially. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Somehow, Shelby talks Toni into visiting her childhood friend, Martha Blackburn.

Mostly she coaxes her into it, she was right, she needed to fix the past, though she wasn’t so sure Martha would forgive.

It’s why they are standing on Martha’s home in little old Hopewell Minnesota. Their tour started their, mainly a gig outside the first club The Wildlings ever played at- the concert wasn’t for a few days but the tickets were already sold out. It’s a nice summer afternoon and Toni’s hand is tightly secured within Shelby’s. She gives her hand three squeezes, to let Toni know that everything would be okay. They stood there in silence until Shelby speaks. “Do you want me to knock or,”

Before the entire question can leave her mouth, the door opens and instead of it being Martha- like Toni thought it would be, it was a- well a Mini-Martha whose left hand held a melting cherry popsicle. The little girl is silent for a moment, looks between them and the gasps- a full blown smile- missing some teeth shines on her face. “I know you guys! You’re in that band!” The little girl has stars in her eyes. “My mommy listens to you guys all the time.” There is a bit of a lisp in her voice and it makes Toni smile and she kneels down in front of her.

“Yeah, and what about you? Do you like our music?”

The little girl nods her head. “Of course- some songs I’m not allowed to listen to yet. When I get older though.” She sways in her spot and then looks up at Shelby. “You’re both really pretty.”

Toni nods towards Shelby. “She’s a bit prettier to be fair. What’s your name?”

Shelby smiles down at her and the little girl looks between them. “Dianna Bernice Turner.”

Toni sticks her hand out. “It’s really nice to meet you, I’m,” Before she can introduce herself, Toni hears her name being called up and she looks up

There standing in the doorway of the kitchen was Martha. She still looked the same, beside the baby that was currently on her hip. “Toni? Toni is that you?”

She stands up. “Yeah- uh, hi Marty.”

There is a lot of things that she expected, a punch, a smack, poisonous words but she gets a beast of a hug and she’s grateful that Shelby came because she plucks the baby out of Martha’s arms after they collide, and she really gets to hug her.

They’re both crying, Martha’s hand is stroking her hair and she has her in a vice-grip. “I’m so sorry,” Toni blubbers. “Really, Marty, I am so freaking sorry.”

Martha pulls back and brushes her tears away. “It’s alright, Toni.” She laughs. “honestly, it’s okay.” She looks over her shoulder and Toni follow her gaze. She’s looking at Shelby who is holding her baby and has the other little one next to her, a sticky, cherry-stained arm wrapped around her leg. “Is this?”

“Oh,” Shelby passes the baby back. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want him getting squished. I’m Shelby Goodkind. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Martha looks at Toni, then at Shelby- opens her mouth and then shuts it. “I- wow, it’s nice to meet you. Toni and I used to watch your show on Disney all the time.” She confesses and then. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect this. I’m a little flustered.”

Toni reaches out and grabs Shelby’s hand. “Hey, it’s all good right? She’s just like you and me.”

“Wait- wait, are the rumors true? Are you two?” She points between them and Toni nods while Shelby smiles. “You’re dating?”

“Yeah,” Toni nods, feeling warmth spread as Shelby uses her thumbs to stroke her knuckles. “Yeah, she’s my girlfriend.”

Martha beams as she pulls the two of them into a hug. “Toni, I’m so happy for you.” She cries and then pulls back to look at them. “Do you wanna come in, we were just about to have lunch.”

“A picnic!” Dianna suddenly jumps in. “A picnic in the back yard so I could so swimming!” She excitedly declares.

Toni shares a look with Shelby who beams. “Looks like we’re in.”

Toni really hopes that they didn’t overwhelm Martha. Even though it has been years, she can still read her. Martha had been the closest thing that Toni had to a sister- hell, they were sisters and she hoped that she still felt that way. “I hope you are both okay with hot dogs.” She puts the serving plate in the center of the table, fixing up a plate for Dianna who insisted on sitting on a blanket because ‘This is how picnic is supposed to be, mommy.’

“I hope this is okay,” She sits down next to Toni, across from Shelby. “I’m sure that you’re both used to fancy food, like lobster and that sorta stuff.”

“Actually” Toni reaches for a hotdog. “Shelby is allergic to shellfish, like throat closing sort of allergic.” She explains. “That and we tend to eat like kids to begin with. I’m still a little picky.”

“A little?” Shelby snorts. “More than a little. You refused to try my famous Chili because you saw me put brown sugar in it.”

“No one puts brown sugar in their Chili, tell her Marty.” Toni teases and then glances over at Marti who is pushing back a smile. “Aw, c’mon don’t tell me your mom puts brown sugar in hers.”

Marty shrugs. “Well, yeah,” Marty confesses and Toni groans. “It gives it a bit of sweetness and brings out more flavor!”

“And then there is the chicken gumbo, the chicken jambalaya, the beef stroganoff” Shelby lists off with her fingers before she helps herself to a hotdog. “I swear I will plan a meal that some how turns into chicken nuggets and french fries. It’s like dating a small child.” Shelby adds with a teasing smile.

Marty is all smiles as she sits back in her chair. “Some things really don’t change, do they?” There is no malice in her voice, just fondness and Toni feels like maybe everything could be alright.

Shelby seems to be entranced with Martha’s stories from their childhood, she asks questions and aww when Martha pulls out a photo album of the two of them as kids. “Babe, you still make that face!” She exclaims, pointing to a photo of a scowling ten-year-old Toni standing in front of tiger enclosure at a zoo. “I mean, dear lord.” She has Martha’s son on her lap after she spent about five minutes exclaiming how cute his chubby little legs are. “I can’t tell you the number of times I have seen you make this face and it’s usually followed by-”

“An eyeroll and a sigh?” Martha asks and Shelby nods.

“Uh-huh, I used to be at the receiving end of those. Now it’s mostly when we run out of Takis.” Shelby explains as she turns the page.

Martha beams and the looks over at Toni. “Tone, can I tell her- about, well, you know?”

Toni tilts her head in confusion, it takes her a moment, but she picks up on it and her face is already heating up, especially when Shelby starts asking a few ‘whats’. Toni relents though because they are already dating, and she was pretty sure that she loved her- and Shelby loved her back. It was still an unsaid thing. “Fine, go ahead.”

“Awesome!” Martha squeals and then turns to Shelby. “I told you that we used to watch that show you were on, right?” Shelby glances over at Toni and then nods. “Well, way back then-” She smirks. “Toni had a total crush on you.”

She sees the way Shelby blushes and then looks down at the baby in her lap who was currently holding onto her thumb. “You did?” She shyly asked and Toni nods. “Aw, Toni! Why didn’t you say anything?”

Toni mumbles something and Martha and Shelby share a look. “I’m sorry what was that?” Shelby pries and laughs when Toni scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“I said it was embarrassing- and I really wanted you in the band when we first met.” Toni confesses, totally blaming the heat for the warmth in her cheeks. “And I didn’t want you getting cocky- like you are now.”

Shelby rises from the picnic table and Toni can’t help the way her mind thinks how nice she looks with a baby on her hip. “Aw, babe.” She coos and leans in to kiss her. “If it is any consolation, I had a huge crush on you when your band first came out. All I could think about was how much I wanted to go to your concert and meet the hot guitarist.”

“Miss. Shelby!” A little voice rings out.

Dianna sits in her small kiddie pool, braids soaking wet. “You wanna see my swimming pool? I can show you my princess dolls!”

Shelby looks between Martha and Toni and winks at them both- a signal that Toni picks up as, ‘I got these two, you both catch up’ before she replies with. “Of course, I want to see your princess dolls! Which one is your favorite, because mine is totally Rapunzel! Belle is a close second.”

When the kids are occupied, Toni is the first to speak. “You know, I am really sorry about everything. About getting us kicked outta prom, about the car, ruining graduation- and every one of my bullshit tantrums you had to put up with over the years.”

“Toni,” Martha reaches out and takes her hand. “I told you before, it’s okay.”

“No, Marty, it really wasn’t. I was so damn toxic and-”

Martha cuts her off. “That’s the thing- you were toxic, key word right there ‘were’ but not anymore. Over this past year, I watched you grow, and I think it’s because you finally have someone who grounds you, keeps you steady.” She flips through the photo album and comes across a picture of eight-year-old Toni beaming a dazzling smile as she holds up a kitten. “This you, this girl right here? She’s back and I missed her so much. I’ve seen pictures of the two of you- interviews and you look so at peace.” She nods towards Shelby who was holding Mickey in the pool- her and Dianna sharing a laugh while his chubby little legs kick at the water. “She’s good, Toni- she’s really good for you.”

“Yeah, I know.” She gives Marty’s hand a squeeze. “And I am happy with how my life is going and I think it’d be better if you and your family would be involved.”

Martha doesn’t need to be asked twice because she envelopes Toni into a hug, a wordless answer that she had been looking for.

Once they finish their cross-country tour, Toni flies Martha and her family out to LA and she loves the sound of a full house. By then Toni moved in with Shelby, getting rid of her of her fancy top floor apartment and settling into their home. _Their home_. Toni liked the sound of that. She liked waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking- or if she wakes up early enough, the sleeping blonde woman beside her. They aren’t perfect in any sense, but they made a pact to never go to bed angry which they both hold on to.

She loved this domestic stuff, coming home to find her girlfriend in the tub- candles surrounding the bathroom and the smell of lavender in the warm air. She loves to peel off her clothes and settle in-between her legs, head resting on her chest as they both relax.

And then there is the cuddling during a rainy day, and the dog they rescue. This black German Shepherd, Australian Cattle Dog mix- they swore they wouldn’t but _‘C’mon, Toni- look at his eyes.’_

Thor becomes a part of their family, there are black hairs everywhere now and he had become a main part in their daily routine, following them around the kitchen while they cooked, sleeps at the end of the bed and whines at the bathroom door. Because Toni draws the line there. He is always at Shelby’s feet when she is playing a melody that she had been working on all year. Whatever song she had been working on, it sounds beautiful. Like her.

The holidays come and go Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and it’s one New Years Eve when Toni finally gets her forever in a way. While the word ‘Love’ still hasn’t come along yet- it would tonight. It’s after the ball drops, after their New Years kiss when Shelby moves towards her piano and Fatin picks up the acoustic guitar that was settled on a stand beside it. The room quiets as Shelby speaks to their guests at their house, her eyes find Toni. “Now I know that this isn’t our usual brand of music.” She bites her lip. “But this is for someone in particular, someone who opened me up- who helped me grow and I hope she knows how much she means to me. So Toni, I know you are the one with the talent for words, but this is for you.”

And she starts playing that same soothing tune that she had been working on all year.

_“There's glitter on the floor after the party  
Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby  
Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor  
You and me from the night before, but-”_

Toni doesn’t like being the center of attention at all, but with this small group of people, she doesn’t mind. She knows that these women in the room, Dot, Fatin, Rachel, Nora, Leah or Martha wouldn’t make her feel embarrassed. So, she listens to Shelby’s song and the words where just as beautiful as the melody coming from the piano. Shelby’s voice would never not cause her to get chills, it was as stunning as she was.

_“Don't read the last page  
But I stay when you're lost, and I'm scared  
And you're turning away  
I want your midnights  
But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day”_

She never had a girl serenade her before. Usually, it was Toni doing the wooing, working hard to get the heart of the girl that she liked, this time though, it was Shelby. Shelby was the first one to make the first move into a relationship and it took so much pressure off Toni.

_“You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi  
I can tell that it's gonna be a long road  
I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe  
Or if you strike out and you're crawling home”_

Toni listens to the rest of the song, absorbing all the lyrics and knowing that Shelby met every single word of it. She is pleasantly surprised when Fatin starts harmonizing with her, sending Toni a wink before her eyes find Shelby. She had no idea how she got so lucky, or what she did to deserve this type of happiness and comfort- and love. Someone who could see past all of her flaws and how Shelby willingly opened up about her own flaws.

They completed each other and Toni thought, no, she knew that this woman was her soulmate. Something that she didn’t believe in before, but Shelby had a talent with making her believe the impossible.

As the song came to a close, Shelby stands up from the piano and walks over towards her. It feels like an eternity until she finally gets to her and wraps her arms around her. “So,” She mutters against her ear. “Did you like it?”

“No,” Toni says. “No, I loved it- just as much as I love you.”

Shelby pulls back, her eyes shimmering. “I love you too.” She fondly tells her and kisses her.

And Toni sees a future with this woman, with Shelby Goodkind. She see’s a wedding, Shelby taking her last name- because fuck the Goodkind name and the hate behind it. She see’s a family, she sees children and she isn’t scared. Toni doesn’t want to run or hide from it, because Shelby had become her home and she loved her for that.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry but mentally picturing Shelby singing anything to Toni just makes me feel the feels, even more so if it's a freaking taylor swift song. You know how many songs I went through to pick the perfect one. I thought about lover, but then heard New Years Day and was like fuuucckkkk. That's it, that's the one, that is their song now- Shelby wrote it in this universe for her girlfriend.


End file.
